The Feign Game

How difficult is it to make men understand!?! I gave up! Then I realised its not because its such a herculean task, its just that they are not interested in understanding or listening to you. They don't care. They are not bothered. They don't want to understand.

This Fair Guy is giving me a lot of sleepless nights and headaches. And I'm beginning to realize how horrible the emotion Love is. It has the power to create as well as destroy. And in my case, its heading for the latter.

What is there so difficult to understand when I tell him I want him to move on from his previous unrequited love for proceeding furthur in our relationship? He assures me that he is trying to get over her. How the fuck is he going to get over her if he is constantly thinking of what to post on her facebook wall, what to message her and how to tease her. I have almost given up my pride and dignity trying to make him understand what he should do to move on from her, telling him he has to close his doors at her. ( Can you imagine? I told him that much!). But he doesn't seem to understand. At the end of the conversation, he keeps asking, " Tell me, dear. What do you want me to do? Anything for you."

I am exasperated now! Even shouting out from the loudspeaker is not going to make him get to do it. Why is there so much confusion for him when I say I want him to move on from his previous love? What does he not understand? What do people do to move on?

Well, since he has decided to feign sleep, I have made my decision. To move on from him. Its difficult to wake up someone who is feigning sleep. Let them sleep to their content.

 

A Small Deviation

You all would have made your own guesses about the reasons which took me away from this blogging world. And the personal reason is….

I'm seeing someone… Yes, I think I can call it that. He is not (yet) my boyfriend. But what can I say? We both have feelings, strong feelings for each other.

A quick gist of the story so far. We shall call him Fair Guy as he takes immense pride in being fair as compared to the rest of the Indian population. I met Fair Guy about a year ago. He is the friend of my friend's boyfriend. I was in the Big City and he had accompanied my friend and her boyfriend for visiting the Big City. My first impression of him was that he is a lazy foolish good-for-nothing fellow and this impression more or less remains the same. It was a casual meeting. After that there was no contact until my friend informs me some months later that he has invited me to his birthday party the following weekend. So I took his number from her and wished him. (I had to, didn't I? Considering he has invited me to his birthday party.) Though I didn't want to go for his party, my friend somehow convinced me to go so that we (my friend and me) could meet up. It was not a big affair. There was only me, my friend, her boyfriend and another girl whom I thought to be Fair Guy's girlfriend but later turned out to be his facebook friend. After that there were occasional sms and chat, but I didn't encourage him. I almost didn't remember him when he added me as his friend in facebook.

I don't know what happened to me in January; I started to respond to his stupid smses. Maybe it was my boredom, or maybe it was the result of seeing pathetic profiles in the matrimonial websites; whatever it was we started to sms like never before. At first it was general mundane stuff, but soon it became outright flirtatious and adult stuff. (He now tells me that this is his MO for any girl and he is able to chat up and 'crack up' most of the girls. And I felt a transient feeling that I came off cheaply to him.) Now we sms, chat in facebook and gtalk, and call each other almost by the hour everyday. It has become something like he is slowly invading my life like weeds infesting someone's garden. I may not have given him permission, but I have given him enough fertile ground.

Am I attracted to him? NO. Do we have similar interests? NO. Do I think he is the one for me? NO. Are we compatible? NO. And in India we have more questions. Do we belong to the same religion and caste? NO. I'm a Christian and he is a Hindu. So what is it that pulls both of us? Is it the hormones? Is it our need to fulfill our respective biological and evolutionary roles? Or is it just the deprivation of sex in a pseudo-puritanical society? Frankly I don't know.

So friends, this has been the reason for my short absence from the blogging. And I'm frankly admitting to myself, I'm not a multi-tasker. I can't handle a profession and studies and an affair (or whatever it can be called now) at the same time.

Now, I'm slowly trying to get back my senses.  

Facebook - the Saviour

"I didn't know the role of social networking forums in the modern Indian arranged marriage. Now I am enlightened!"

Next battle is against a South African. Seeing his expression in the photo, he looked like a loser playboy. The smile showing all his 32 teeth was itself a turnoff. And he had kept the first two buttons of his shirt open to show his hairy chest. The rest of his shirt showed his flab bulging out of the tight garment. Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! Disgusting! But my very knowledgeable mom goes, "He's the same profession as you" (As if success of the marriage had anything to do with profession!). " He seems to like you very much RB. He has given his email id for you to mail him". "His parents are teachers so he would have been brought up really well". My mom has this soft corner for teachers' kids as she herself is a professor's kid and she believes that just because they are teachers' kids they would be impeccable. What rubbish! I gave her a few examples of teacher's kids turning out to be real bastards. "Those are all exceptions".

I didn't argue. Anyways the guy was in South Africa and he'll be coming only after a couple of months. I have time I thought. But for this I didn't have to rake my brain. Facebook did it!

 

 Armed with the email id, what does my mother do? She searches him in facebook. She has been recently introduced into facebook and has become an avid facebook fan. She has been adding friends and aquaintnces very enthusiastically. I, for my part, refused to be friends with her. Mothers should be banned from being friends with their kids in facebook. As if real-life stalking  was not enough, now mothers can keep a tab on their kids in cyber life also! Coming back to the teeth showing loser playboy, my mom finds him in facebook quite easily. He has put the same monstrous photo as his profile photo. She finds that he is what he has told- profession and education wise. And she is impressed until she checks out his photos. (I should say it was very stupid of him to keep his album visible to the public). After seeing the photos my mother's opinion of him changes from impeccable disciplined teachers' kid to philandering womanising drunkard!

 Thank You Facebook! Providence must have sent you.

Now my mom has decided to scrutinise all my wannabe husbands through facebook. She thinks their info in such public forums will give us a small idea of their personality. I found out that my mom is not the only one with this opinion. My friend's sister had got married recently. She tells me that their family went through facebook and orkut mania. Not just inspecting the guy's profile but going through all his friends in the friends list also. All his activities, comments and whatever visible were scrutinized. As if a ghost in his past may suddenly jump out of facebook. Guess my mom is far better than them.

 

Now my mom is behind me for changing my facebook profile photo in which I thought I was very pretty (Going by the comments of my friends). "Mamma, what is wrong with that photo? It was taken by best friend P. All my friends liked it."  " RB its pretty. But there are other photos in which you are prettier and more beautiful. Put them." I kept my profile photo. Its exhilarating to irritate her.

This post will be incomplete if I do not mention that I received three friend requests from wannabe husbands. When the first friend request came, I had no clue who he was. No mutual friend. So send him a message asking if I knew him. Pat came the reply. " I have seen your profile in the matrimonial column. Like your photo. So searched you in fb." Boy, I was furious. Furious that he had the audacity to not only stalk me on facebook  but to send me a friend request also. I didn't give him any reply. I rejected him as a friend. He was clever enough to get the message. To the second and third requests, I didn’t bother to respond.