Advice pleasssse

I know its been a while since I blogged anything about what my blog was supposed to be. My sincere apologies. Now I have a great problem at hand. And I need all your opinions and advice regarding it. 

Fair Guy and me are in a relationship for now. I guess it could be translated into - we wanted to make out with each other without having to worry about the morality behind friends with benefits gimmick. But now I have developed feelings for him also. Yes, real feelings. ( Sorry my friends, the thing most of you feared and which was even my worst fear has happened. I have developed feelings for him!)

With feelings, come problems too. Though there are a lot of issues boiling in the pot, the one which I'm most confused about is this. He was in love with a woman for over seven years. A love which was never returned.  He went as far as to propose to her but she was already in a relationship. And hence gracefully rejected his love. They remained friends though. "The best of friends".  He being madly and deeply in love with her and she being considerate to him and his feelings.( I guess any woman is bound to be sympathetic to her most devoted lover.) 

So far so good. As long as it was a friends with benefits act, I had no issues with his past or present love life. But ever since my feelings have begun, I'm not comfortable with it. The green eyed monster has crept in. This is worsened by the fact that he still harbours feelings for this woman. He adores her. (though he says he is in love with me, I don't believe him as he was in love with this girl during our initial dating period.) And there is another thing that eats my head. She announced her engagement only a couple of weeks before we starting dating. So am I his rebound affair?? 

He even called her up on our first date not expecting her to pick up the call as they had a 'small fight'. Her friend had picked up the call and given it to her after knowing he was with me. And later he says, " She agreed to speak with me because you were with me. Otherwise she would not have spoken."   What the hell is that supposed to mean? So am I his decoy?? That time I never cared but I do now. Very much.

When I used to think of love before, I wanted my lover to be head over heels in love with me. His world should spin around because of me so much that he should not be reminded of any other woman. 

Fair Guy is frank enough to tell me that he still loves this woman and would always love her. But I'm a proud spoilt brat. I do not want to play second fiddle to anyone. Isn't there something known as falling out of love? How platonic can their relationship be?

I just want to know where I stand in his life. What am I to him - a  rebound affair?? A decoy to be in touch with the engaged love of his life?? Or just a passing fancy??

I am so confused as this is my first ever relationship.

Kindly advice, those who have been in similar situations before and who are well experienced in love and relationships... 

A Little Gaming Experience

Fair Guy and I are seeing each other, but we are not a couple yet. According to him, we are special friends with special benefits.

That time I never knew how much the special benefits would extend to. I was a novice ( still so). I'm learning and I'm enjoying his teaching. The class has reached only upto second base. It took a long time time to graduate from first to second base.  Partly because there was no private enough place to play until we found the basement of a restaurant. And also because I value my big girls a lot and I had decided they were not to be handled by any tom, dick or harry. And mostly because, this was my first.

I was all enthusiastic to attend the practice sessions because I was cheated into believing that we both were at the same level and combined studies would be good for us. And after the first taste of the game, I needed to touch first base everytime we met. It was thrilling and delirious. I should give due credit to Fair Guy; he has amazing lips and everytime he necks, I could feel a pleasaurable sensation going down till my toes.  But my interest for second base ended the day Fair Guy decided that he had to be honest with me and told me he had already reached upto the third base a couple of years ago. In effect, I attended only one class of second base and that was not much of a practice.

I ask myself, why am i upset? There was no commitment or anything. Moreover it was before my times.And does it matter? I know that I would definitely not end up with him. Then why the hell am I pulling a big face over it? Because I repeatedly kept asking him his experiences and he repeatedly kept saying, " RB, you are the first! There were no others..." And then this confession of sorts ( why do I call it a confession?) has really put me off. Because i have no previous experience and he has. I know I'm being puerile and his is a small experience. Still...the balance has tilted.