Marriageableness

This is what Ralph waldo Emerson had to tell about Jane Austen,

“Miss Austen’s novels . . . seem to me vulgar in tone, sterile in artistic invention, imprisoned in the wretched conventions of English society, without genius, wit, or knowledge of the world. Never was life so pinched and narrow. The one problem in the mind of the writer . . . is marriageableness.”

Which I think to be true. Not only Jane Austen. Most other novels in the genre of romance and fiction. I think they give a very wrong picture to young girls.

I remember reading Northanger Abbey as a kid and wishing I was poor and beautiful and a super rich man would fall in love with me. Now the grown up me is out of all such dreams and illusions. I don't even want such a life where the girl's only quality is her beauty and the guy's only quality is his bank balance. Relationships are never compatible if both the spouses are depending on the such external qualities in each other which are subject to change any millisecond.

It just gets on my nerves when I see so many ads and articles and jokes which propagate that the girls' only ambition in life is to be beautiful so that she is marriageable and is a  "good catch" and what that good catch means is left to anyone's interpretation.

Finding my voice

I found a way to stop my parents eating my head over the next eligible bachelor. The proposal in question had been suggested by my aunt B (why is it that all these aunties want me to get married. More than my parents, they are worried. I guess all they want is to show off their new sarees before it is out of fashion). The boy is the nephew of my aunt B from her husband's side. He is now working as an engineer in the US (Again US!). My aunt can vouch that the boy is a really nice 'Indian boy' and out of all 'American' influences (what she meant she alone knows, if only she could be more descriptive and not use such meaningless words!). My parents say that what she meant is that he had been born and brought up in India and that he had had no girlfriends. No wonder! I have seen him when we were kids and he looked… well, I don't want to comment on someone's looks as I believe beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. Still … In short he was not my idea of a prince in shining armour (I guess every girl is entitled to her own silly romantic idea of her husband). When I say that to my parents, they don't get it. They are of the opinion that I shall eventually like him. "All that glitters is not gold". That is my mother's favourite dialogue. "If he was a handsome young man, then he might have had lots of girlfriends. Since he is not…” I don't understand that logic as I know that a lot of bad-looking guys in my college had really busy weekends. And some of the good looking ones were the ones inside the shed. So that point was baseless. "Your B auntie never liked J uncle. She was crying uncontrollably on the day before the wedding. Look how happy she is now." And I wondered why she wanted me also to marry someone I didn't fancy. Oops, sorry! She didn't know that I don’t like her nephew.

Still my parents pestered. His photo was sent via email. Photo of him with full skiing gear and poles, standing in front of a car with snow all around. (Exploiting my obsession with snow). "Look beta, now you can ski in the snow with him". But he looked the same. Or even worse. I didn't want to marry him. I didn't want to go skiing with him. My parents didn't stop their pestering (I really admire their perseverance).

They were saying, “if you say yes, then we shall ask them to come over to see you". Bloody hell! They kept bickering morning evening morning. And I couldn't imagine waking up next to that piece of flesh for the rest of my life. Is it for him that I saved up my virginity? So many opportunities flashed across my mind. No, I shan't allow that to happen.

The next time my parents started the topic, I gave them a piece of my mind and yelled, " I'm never gonna have sex with him! If you want to proceed, you go ahead! It will only embarrass you. Either I will say no in the church or I will reach US and divorce him giving impotence as the reason!”

And that was it! They never spoke to me about him, again.

Sometimes all we have to do is to use our voice.

P.S. This was the first time I used sex in a conversation with my Dad. Ah! That was so liberating! 

Misleading profiles

Its been sometime since my matrimonial ad had been put in the website, seeking suitable guys. My parents have not yet reached a consensus whether they want guys settled in India or abroad, they want engineers or doctors( why these are the only two options for me, I do not understand). I am glad that atleast they have decided that it has to be of male sex! Some people might ask me why my parents have to decide these things, why can't I myself decide even if its an arranged marriage. Ah well, frankly I don't care. I am quite disillusioned with this whole institution of marriage. People say it’s a necessary evil. Necessary for whom? This is a separate discussion in itself.

There had been calls, this side that side. Our son's id number is so and so. Kindly respond as soon as possible. He is employed there, his salary is this much, his shares are so much. We have property at such and such place. Yes, he will be able to take the bride to his place. And so on goes the conversation. It is still a mystery to me how complete strangers can give full financial and property details to each other. These profile too, another means of vanity. One profile of a guy brags that the family is connected to some 250 relations, and every one of them is in influential posts in India and abroad. 250 relatives! They must have multiplied like rats. A really horny family.

 

Each and every profile is showing off all the good qualities of the boy/ girl (wonder why call them boy/girl as some of them are even as old as 52!). Why can't enthusiastic parents see through the flaws of their children? Its as if each of them are the best student, most intelligent, most successful, most saintly. And marriage profiles are the only place where one can find non-drinking non-smoking malayali guys. C'mon who has made the beverage industry of Kerala so profitable??

If people are so out of touch with reality, how can they find 'suitable' partners? Its not the money or the family status that matters. It’s the compatibility between two people who have to live with each other for the rest of their lives (that itself sounds so scary).  If they base their relationship on lies, how can they live with dignity and peace?

So guys and gals, why do people mislead you with these lies in the marriage profile? What is your opinion?