Showing posts with label wistful longing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wistful longing. Show all posts

Sep 20, 2012

SAAA...D




I know its been a very long time since I wrote something in this blog. Well, I shall fill up with the details of my messed up life on a later date, or maybe not.

Lets come to the present. Today. The 20th of September. Tomorrow is my birthday. And the truth is I'm very unhappy and very lonely. I'm in this city away from home where I used to have friends. I was happy to come back here. But now I'm very lonely here. Most of my friends have moved over to other places. The rest who are around are busy with their own life (i.e married) or their career. No one seems to have time to spend with me on this Sunday before my birthday. I tried making friends with my new colleagues. But somehow I take a long time to make friends and I don’t know if we connect or not. I don't have anyone to go out for lunch or dinner with or go to a pub with. No one to go out for movies with. This is such a lonely lonely life. I'm getting depressed.

Its been such a long time since I cut a birthday cake. No one to get me one. Now I'm really thinking of buying a birthday cake for myself. Then I would have to cut it all by myself which would again make me more miserable. I miss those days when my parents used to throw a party for me inviting all the children in the neighbourhood. And those days when my friends used to knock my door at 12 midnight and give me birthday bumps and make me cut a surprise birthday cake. And then they would smear my face with the chocolate (it would always be chocolate!) icing from the cake. I really really miss those days. Would I ever get it back again?  

I feel there is no one in my life who can make this one day in my life special for me...

Dec 19, 2010

Love in Retrospect

I have met him only once. I have spoken to him only a few words. I acted uninterested when he showed interest in me.  But now, I am interested. I took such a long time to make up my mind. Alas, it was too late.

I shall never know what he really thought about me. I shall never know if he cared for me, if he found me interesting, if he was attracted to me, if he could have been the one. I shall never know what music he liked, which movies he watched, what books he read, what drinks he drank. I shall never know how it would be to make love to him, how it would be to kiss him, how it would be to hold his hands. Dammit, I shall not even know whether I stood a chance. It gives me a sharp pain in my breast. If only, I was not so timid. If only, I had conversed with him. If only, I had shown my true self to him. If only, he hadn't got engaged so soon.

Is this love? Or is the feeling you have when you realise that the stone you threw away was actually a diamond?