A paediatrician for sale

My parents' hunt to find a suitable groom for me is still going on. I haven't given them an inkling of Fair Guy though. So even after we have been together, I have had my share of pennukannals and most of it were non descript and akin to my first pennukannal.

But this was a bit different.

The guy's dad had called after seeing my profile in the matrimonial site. At the end of the usual talks, my mom asks, "Any demands?". (Translated, it means any demands for dowry).  Till now everyone had answered "NO" to this question. Frankly, I really don't know why my mom asks this. If they really wanted a huge dowry, I wonder if they would have demanded anything upfront and rightaway. According to me, the demands for dowry are made very subtly and slowly. And that's where the problem lies.  The boy's parents initially say they don't need dowry and speak against dowry and talk about the evils of dowry but later they change the whole tune. They start with saying you can give whatever gifts you want to your daughter. But if the gifts are not up to their expectations, slowly they start passing snide comments at the daughter-in-law for having brought so little from  her home. This dowry is just an excuse of the boy's parents to loot the hard earned money and savings of the girls parents. No easier way to being rich than getting one's son married.  Any demand anytime is met! 

And so, this guy's dad's unabashed reply to my mom's question was, "My son is a paediatrician. We have got many offers from many girls. But he seems to have liked your daughter's photo and wants to meet her." He went on to add that a certain politician's daughter had offered 6 crores ( i.e. 60,000,000 INRwhich equals almost 1,170,000 USD) for his paediatrician son . But it seems the son didn't like her.

God!! I can't believe that someone in the supposedly highly educated state of Kerala could speak like this. 6 fucking crores!! He could better put his son for auction and sell it to the highest bidder. The word 'offer' was so tacky! I really wonder what are the sentiments of this particular paediatrician who has been put for sale like this. I pity him more than the girl who will get married to him.

Needless to say, my parents were really shocked. I guess they never imagined that dowry prices have also shot up so much. They seemed not to be interested in this guy.

But, I was mistaken. The paediatrician's dad kept calling wanting to meet me. So my parents agreed to have them in our house. My parents had gone bonkers! Or the thought of being in-laws to a paediatrician went to their head that they couldn't think logically. Otherwise how could they agree? How could they agree to invite them and be hosts to such people? I wondered if they really considered sending me off with this guy. What would happen to me if I were to go to his house without 6 crores ( My middle class parents cannot afford even one crore, leave alone six.) I refused to meet this guy born to money monger dad. 

My mom's version was that they have told the guy's dad we won't be able to give so much and still the guy wanted to see me, so maybe the guy really has a mind of his own and anyways I am not getting married to the guy's parents, only to the guy.. blah blah blah.. Its difficult to win an argument with my mother. But my dad was not very keen. Thank God!  

After all my mother's drama and everything, I finally had to agree to her wish to meet this paediatrician fellow. Anyways, I thought I'm definitely not going to marry him. So if my parents want to host him, so be it. 

The pennukannal happened in our house. He came with his dad and two of his brothers-in law. I should say they behaved decently. There were no talks of dowry also. They came and drank our tea and cola and ate our expensive pastries and snacks and left. The paediatrician didn't wish to speak with me alone (I really really wanted to speak to this guy alone to give him a piece of my mind). Maybe they came not to see  me but my house and other particulars to see how much they can squeeze out of my parents.  They said they would contact after a couple of days, but no word was heard from them. Guess, they  finally realised after seeing our house that my parents won't be able offer anywhere near to the offer of the politician.

That's the end of the story of the dowry demanding shameless paediatrician.

What surprised me more was that he had two sisters and both married. There might have been similar dowry talks like this during those girls' weddings also. After all that, the father chose to behave in such an uncivilised manner.

I wonder if the paediatrician squeezes money like this from the kids who visit him.

                                                   

Marriageableness

This is what Ralph waldo Emerson had to tell about Jane Austen,

“Miss Austen’s novels . . . seem to me vulgar in tone, sterile in artistic invention, imprisoned in the wretched conventions of English society, without genius, wit, or knowledge of the world. Never was life so pinched and narrow. The one problem in the mind of the writer . . . is marriageableness.”

Which I think to be true. Not only Jane Austen. Most other novels in the genre of romance and fiction. I think they give a very wrong picture to young girls.

I remember reading Northanger Abbey as a kid and wishing I was poor and beautiful and a super rich man would fall in love with me. Now the grown up me is out of all such dreams and illusions. I don't even want such a life where the girl's only quality is her beauty and the guy's only quality is his bank balance. Relationships are never compatible if both the spouses are depending on the such external qualities in each other which are subject to change any millisecond.

It just gets on my nerves when I see so many ads and articles and jokes which propagate that the girls' only ambition in life is to be beautiful so that she is marriageable and is a  "good catch" and what that good catch means is left to anyone's interpretation.

I almost stopped blogging...

Yeah.. Almost!

The reason being simple... I decided to give Fair Guy a chance. I had feelings for him which as much as I denied myself, I couldn't control. I knew the repercussions if I intended to be go forward with him. Still I decided to take the chance. Decided to give love a chance instead of the buying and selling game of the the arranged marriages. Well, I must say it has been an interesting adventure so far. He has not let me down. As the days passed we started liking each other more. And I must say, I'm in love. It has been a great adventure so far. Everyone must try it. Not that it has been complete bliss and rosy . We had our ups and downs. But we emerged from all of it, more stronger.


Thus I wondered if there is any furthur need to my blog. Then I knew. I love this blogosphere. I love writing about myself so freely and truthfully. And I value all the advices my blog friends give me. I can take help from so many people, from so many different countries and varied cultures, who has a lot to offer with their vast experiences.


There is one more reason. I'm not yet married. I don't really know how my relationship with Fair Guy is going to culminate. My parents do not know of Fair Guy. They are continuing with their groom hunt (and with it the pennukannals also and the recent pennukannal was a bit too much for me that I'm going to share here in my next post).

So, this blog is to be continued. (Maybe I have to change the title, but what the hell! There can be an arranged Indian love marriage with a Hindu boy and a Christian girl!)

Bang Bang Bang

Well, after a long hiatus ( very long indeed!), I'm back with a bang! Wait for the new stories I have to tell you!

I owe an apology to my followers, I know an I'm indeed very sorry. But thanks (thanks a lot) for still following me.

The Feign Game

How difficult is it to make men understand!?! I gave up! Then I realised its not because its such a herculean task, its just that they are not interested in understanding or listening to you. They don't care. They are not bothered. They don't want to understand.

This Fair Guy is giving me a lot of sleepless nights and headaches. And I'm beginning to realize how horrible the emotion Love is. It has the power to create as well as destroy. And in my case, its heading for the latter.

What is there so difficult to understand when I tell him I want him to move on from his previous unrequited love for proceeding furthur in our relationship? He assures me that he is trying to get over her. How the fuck is he going to get over her if he is constantly thinking of what to post on her facebook wall, what to message her and how to tease her. I have almost given up my pride and dignity trying to make him understand what he should do to move on from her, telling him he has to close his doors at her. ( Can you imagine? I told him that much!). But he doesn't seem to understand. At the end of the conversation, he keeps asking, " Tell me, dear. What do you want me to do? Anything for you."

I am exasperated now! Even shouting out from the loudspeaker is not going to make him get to do it. Why is there so much confusion for him when I say I want him to move on from his previous love? What does he not understand? What do people do to move on?

Well, since he has decided to feign sleep, I have made my decision. To move on from him. Its difficult to wake up someone who is feigning sleep. Let them sleep to their content.

 

Advice pleasssse

I know its been a while since I blogged anything about what my blog was supposed to be. My sincere apologies. Now I have a great problem at hand. And I need all your opinions and advice regarding it. 

Fair Guy and me are in a relationship for now. I guess it could be translated into - we wanted to make out with each other without having to worry about the morality behind friends with benefits gimmick. But now I have developed feelings for him also. Yes, real feelings. ( Sorry my friends, the thing most of you feared and which was even my worst fear has happened. I have developed feelings for him!)

With feelings, come problems too. Though there are a lot of issues boiling in the pot, the one which I'm most confused about is this. He was in love with a woman for over seven years. A love which was never returned.  He went as far as to propose to her but she was already in a relationship. And hence gracefully rejected his love. They remained friends though. "The best of friends".  He being madly and deeply in love with her and she being considerate to him and his feelings.( I guess any woman is bound to be sympathetic to her most devoted lover.) 

So far so good. As long as it was a friends with benefits act, I had no issues with his past or present love life. But ever since my feelings have begun, I'm not comfortable with it. The green eyed monster has crept in. This is worsened by the fact that he still harbours feelings for this woman. He adores her. (though he says he is in love with me, I don't believe him as he was in love with this girl during our initial dating period.) And there is another thing that eats my head. She announced her engagement only a couple of weeks before we starting dating. So am I his rebound affair?? 

He even called her up on our first date not expecting her to pick up the call as they had a 'small fight'. Her friend had picked up the call and given it to her after knowing he was with me. And later he says, " She agreed to speak with me because you were with me. Otherwise she would not have spoken."   What the hell is that supposed to mean? So am I his decoy?? That time I never cared but I do now. Very much.

When I used to think of love before, I wanted my lover to be head over heels in love with me. His world should spin around because of me so much that he should not be reminded of any other woman. 

Fair Guy is frank enough to tell me that he still loves this woman and would always love her. But I'm a proud spoilt brat. I do not want to play second fiddle to anyone. Isn't there something known as falling out of love? How platonic can their relationship be?

I just want to know where I stand in his life. What am I to him - a  rebound affair?? A decoy to be in touch with the engaged love of his life?? Or just a passing fancy??

I am so confused as this is my first ever relationship.

Kindly advice, those who have been in similar situations before and who are well experienced in love and relationships... 

A Little Gaming Experience

Fair Guy and I are seeing each other, but we are not a couple yet. According to him, we are special friends with special benefits.

That time I never knew how much the special benefits would extend to. I was a novice ( still so). I'm learning and I'm enjoying his teaching. The class has reached only upto second base. It took a long time time to graduate from first to second base.  Partly because there was no private enough place to play until we found the basement of a restaurant. And also because I value my big girls a lot and I had decided they were not to be handled by any tom, dick or harry. And mostly because, this was my first.

I was all enthusiastic to attend the practice sessions because I was cheated into believing that we both were at the same level and combined studies would be good for us. And after the first taste of the game, I needed to touch first base everytime we met. It was thrilling and delirious. I should give due credit to Fair Guy; he has amazing lips and everytime he necks, I could feel a pleasaurable sensation going down till my toes.  But my interest for second base ended the day Fair Guy decided that he had to be honest with me and told me he had already reached upto the third base a couple of years ago. In effect, I attended only one class of second base and that was not much of a practice.

I ask myself, why am i upset? There was no commitment or anything. Moreover it was before my times.And does it matter? I know that I would definitely not end up with him. Then why the hell am I pulling a big face over it? Because I repeatedly kept asking him his experiences and he repeatedly kept saying, " RB, you are the first! There were no others..." And then this confession of sorts ( why do I call it a confession?) has really put me off. Because i have no previous experience and he has. I know I'm being puerile and his is a small experience. Still...the balance has tilted.