Sep 23, 2012


My birthday came and went. At the end, it was not such a bad sad day. By evening, I was quite happy.

I was working on my birthday. And since my boss knew my birthday date and kept reminding me whole of last week that a 'festival' is round the corner, I got sweets for my department and a special pack of extra sweets for my boss. Work was going busy as usual. The boss had told me long before when he asked regarding my birthday that it is for being nice to us and to relieve us early on birthdays. But alas! I was stuck.  Even by 7 o'clock, there was me stuck at work with no clue of getting relieved. Not that it mattered to me at that time. I had no plans made and I thought it best to be working than going back to my room feeling lonely. By 7:15, my college friend called me on my office phone. He works in the same office, but different department. He, his girlfriend and another friend from college were waiting for me to personally wish me and to go out for dinner. Wow! Wasn't I a happy soul? Next moment on, my mind was to how to get out of that cubicle asap. Anyways, my senior who was there was kind enough to let me go by 7:45. 

I rushed downstairs to where they were waiting. Then I remembered that I was carrying only 20 bucks and no credit card in my handbag. Anyways I went down, met them and it was a nice feeling that these friends are there for me. I wanted to go back to my room to get cash and credit card. They wouldn't hear of it. Kept telling they had enough money. So the birthday gal me, the shameless me, who was supposed to be treating others on birthday, was getting treated by them. We went to a nice sea-food restaurant and had a nice dinner  with all of us chatting so much that time went on fast. Finally, it was time to say good night.

I'm so grateful to these three wonderful people for making my birthday special. I did not expect them to come over and wait for me for around one hour. It was so special and I was very happy. It meant a lot to me. So, that was how I became older by one year.

Sep 20, 2012


I know its been a very long time since I wrote something in this blog. Well, I shall fill up with the details of my messed up life on a later date, or maybe not.

Lets come to the present. Today. The 20th of September. Tomorrow is my birthday. And the truth is I'm very unhappy and very lonely. I'm in this city away from home where I used to have friends. I was happy to come back here. But now I'm very lonely here. Most of my friends have moved over to other places. The rest who are around are busy with their own life (i.e married) or their career. No one seems to have time to spend with me on this Sunday before my birthday. I tried making friends with my new colleagues. But somehow I take a long time to make friends and I don’t know if we connect or not. I don't have anyone to go out for lunch or dinner with or go to a pub with. No one to go out for movies with. This is such a lonely lonely life. I'm getting depressed.

Its been such a long time since I cut a birthday cake. No one to get me one. Now I'm really thinking of buying a birthday cake for myself. Then I would have to cut it all by myself which would again make me more miserable. I miss those days when my parents used to throw a party for me inviting all the children in the neighbourhood. And those days when my friends used to knock my door at 12 midnight and give me birthday bumps and make me cut a surprise birthday cake. And then they would smear my face with the chocolate (it would always be chocolate!) icing from the cake. I really really miss those days. Would I ever get it back again?  

I feel there is no one in my life who can make this one day in my life special for me...

Dec 8, 2011

A paediatrician for sale

My parents' hunt to find a suitable groom for me is still going on. I haven't given them an inkling of Fair Guy though. So even after we have been together, I have had my share of pennukannals and most of it were non descript and akin to my first pennukannal.

But this was a bit different.

The guy's dad had called after seeing my profile in the matrimonial site. At the end of the usual talks, my mom asks, "Any demands?". (Translated, it means any demands for dowry).  Till now everyone had answered "NO" to this question. Frankly, I really don't know why my mom asks this. If they really wanted a huge dowry, I wonder if they would have demanded anything upfront and rightaway. According to me, the demands for dowry are made very subtly and slowly. And that's where the problem lies.  The boy's parents initially say they don't need dowry and speak against dowry and talk about the evils of dowry but later they change the whole tune. They start with saying you can give whatever gifts you want to your daughter. But if the gifts are not up to their expectations, slowly they start passing snide comments at the daughter-in-law for having brought so little from  her home. This dowry is just an excuse of the boy's parents to loot the hard earned money and savings of the girls parents. No easier way to being rich than getting one's son married.  Any demand anytime is met! 

And so, this guy's dad's unabashed reply to my mom's question was, "My son is a paediatrician. We have got many offers from many girls. But he seems to have liked your daughter's photo and wants to meet her." He went on to add that a certain politician's daughter had offered 6 crores ( i.e. 60,000,000 INRwhich equals almost 1,170,000 USD) for his paediatrician son . But it seems the son didn't like her.

God!! I can't believe that someone in the supposedly highly educated state of Kerala could speak like this. 6 fucking crores!! He could better put his son for auction and sell it to the highest bidder. The word 'offer' was so tacky! I really wonder what are the sentiments of this particular paediatrician who has been put for sale like this. I pity him more than the girl who will get married to him.

Needless to say, my parents were really shocked. I guess they never imagined that dowry prices have also shot up so much. They seemed not to be interested in this guy.

But, I was mistaken. The paediatrician's dad kept calling wanting to meet me. So my parents agreed to have them in our house. My parents had gone bonkers! Or the thought of being in-laws to a paediatrician went to their head that they couldn't think logically. Otherwise how could they agree? How could they agree to invite them and be hosts to such people? I wondered if they really considered sending me off with this guy. What would happen to me if I were to go to his house without 6 crores ( My middle class parents cannot afford even one crore, leave alone six.) I refused to meet this guy born to money monger dad. 

My mom's version was that they have told the guy's dad we won't be able to give so much and still the guy wanted to see me, so maybe the guy really has a mind of his own and anyways I am not getting married to the guy's parents, only to the guy.. blah blah blah.. Its difficult to win an argument with my mother. But my dad was not very keen. Thank God!  

After all my mother's drama and everything, I finally had to agree to her wish to meet this paediatrician fellow. Anyways, I thought I'm definitely not going to marry him. So if my parents want to host him, so be it. 

The pennukannal happened in our house. He came with his dad and two of his brothers-in law. I should say they behaved decently. There were no talks of dowry also. They came and drank our tea and cola and ate our expensive pastries and snacks and left. The paediatrician didn't wish to speak with me alone (I really really wanted to speak to this guy alone to give him a piece of my mind). Maybe they came not to see  me but my house and other particulars to see how much they can squeeze out of my parents.  They said they would contact after a couple of days, but no word was heard from them. Guess, they  finally realised after seeing our house that my parents won't be able offer anywhere near to the offer of the politician.

That's the end of the story of the dowry demanding shameless paediatrician.
What surprised me more was that he had two sisters and both married. There might have been similar dowry talks like this during those girls' weddings also. After all that, the father chose to behave in such an uncivilised manner.

I wonder if the paediatrician squeezes money like this from the kids who visit him.


Nov 8, 2011


This is what Ralph waldo Emerson had to tell about Jane Austen,

“Miss Austen’s novels . . . seem to me vulgar in tone, sterile in artistic invention, imprisoned in the wretched conventions of English society, without genius, wit, or knowledge of the world. Never was life so pinched and narrow. The one problem in the mind of the writer . . . is marriageableness.”

Which I think to be true. Not only Jane Austen. Most other novels in the genre of romance and fiction. I think they give a very wrong picture to young girls.

I remember reading Northanger Abbey as a kid and wishing I was poor and beautiful and a super rich man would fall in love with me. Now the grown up me is out of all such dreams and illusions. I don't even want such a life where the girl's only quality is her beauty and the guy's only quality is his bank balance. Relationships are never compatible if both the spouses are depending on the such external qualities in each other which are subject to change any millisecond.

It just gets on my nerves when I see so many ads and articles and jokes which propagate that the girls' only ambition in life is to be beautiful so that she is marriageable and is a  "good catch" and what that good catch means is left to anyone's interpretation.

Nov 4, 2011

I almost stopped blogging...

Yeah.. Almost!

The reason being simple... I decided to give Fair Guy a chance. I had feelings for him which as much as I denied myself, I couldn't control. I knew the repercussions if I intended to be go forward with him. Still I decided to take the chance. Decided to give love a chance instead of the buying and selling game of the the arranged marriages. Well, I must say it has been an interesting adventure so far. He has not let me down. As the days passed we started liking each other more. And I must say, I'm in love. It has been a great adventure so far. Everyone must try it. Not that it has been complete bliss and rosy . We had our ups and downs. But we emerged from all of it, more stronger.

Thus I wondered if there is any furthur need to my blog. Then I knew. I love this blogosphere. I love writing about myself so freely and truthfully. And I value all the advices my blog friends give me. I can take help from so many people, from so many different countries and varied cultures, who has a lot to offer with their vast experiences.

There is one more reason. I'm not yet married. I don't really know how my relationship with Fair Guy is going to culminate. My parents do not know of Fair Guy. They are continuing with their groom hunt (and with it the pennukannals also and the recent pennukannal was a bit too much for me that I'm going to share here in my next post).

So, this blog is to be continued. (Maybe I have to change the title, but what the hell! There can be an arranged Indian love marriage with a Hindu boy and a Christian girl!)

Nov 3, 2011

Bang Bang Bang

Well, after a long hiatus ( very long indeed!), I'm back with a bang! Wait for the new stories I have to tell you!

I owe an apology to my followers, I know an I'm indeed very sorry. But thanks (thanks a lot) for still following me.

May 25, 2011

The Feign Game

How difficult is it to make men understand!?! I gave up! Then I realised its not because its such a herculean task, its just that they are not interested in understanding or listening to you. They don't care. They are not bothered. They don't want to understand.

This Fair Guy is giving me a lot of sleepless nights and headaches. And I'm beginning to realize how horrible the emotion Love is. It has the power to create as well as destroy. And in my case, its heading for the latter.

What is there so difficult to understand when I tell him I want him to move on from his previous unrequited love for proceeding furthur in our relationship? He assures me that he is trying to get over her. How the fuck is he going to get over her if he is constantly thinking of what to post on her facebook wall, what to message her and how to tease her. I have almost given up my pride and dignity trying to make him understand what he should do to move on from her, telling him he has to close his doors at her. ( Can you imagine? I told him that much!). But he doesn't seem to understand. At the end of the conversation, he keeps asking, " Tell me, dear. What do you want me to do? Anything for you."

I am exasperated now! Even shouting out from the loudspeaker is not going to make him get to do it. Why is there so much confusion for him when I say I want him to move on from his previous love? What does he not understand? What do people do to move on?

Well, since he has decided to feign sleep, I have made my decision. To move on from him. Its difficult to wake up someone who is feigning sleep. Let them sleep to their content.