May 25, 2011

The Feign Game

How difficult is it to make men understand!?! I gave up! Then I realised its not because its such a herculean task, its just that they are not interested in understanding or listening to you. They don't care. They are not bothered. They don't want to understand.

This Fair Guy is giving me a lot of sleepless nights and headaches. And I'm beginning to realize how horrible the emotion Love is. It has the power to create as well as destroy. And in my case, its heading for the latter.

What is there so difficult to understand when I tell him I want him to move on from his previous unrequited love for proceeding furthur in our relationship? He assures me that he is trying to get over her. How the fuck is he going to get over her if he is constantly thinking of what to post on her facebook wall, what to message her and how to tease her. I have almost given up my pride and dignity trying to make him understand what he should do to move on from her, telling him he has to close his doors at her. ( Can you imagine? I told him that much!). But he doesn't seem to understand. At the end of the conversation, he keeps asking, " Tell me, dear. What do you want me to do? Anything for you."

I am exasperated now! Even shouting out from the loudspeaker is not going to make him get to do it. Why is there so much confusion for him when I say I want him to move on from his previous love? What does he not understand? What do people do to move on?

Well, since he has decided to feign sleep, I have made my decision. To move on from him. Its difficult to wake up someone who is feigning sleep. Let them sleep to their content.

May 19, 2011

Advice pleasssse

I know its been a while since I blogged anything about what my blog was supposed to be. My sincere apologies. Now I have a great problem at hand. And I need all your opinions and advice regarding it. 

Fair Guy and me are in a relationship for now. I guess it could be translated into - we wanted to make out with each other without having to worry about the morality behind friends with benefits gimmick. But now I have developed feelings for him also. Yes, real feelings. ( Sorry my friends, the thing most of you feared and which was even my worst fear has happened. I have developed feelings for him!)

With feelings, come problems too. Though there are a lot of issues boiling in the pot, the one which I'm most confused about is this. He was in love with a woman for over seven years. A love which was never returned.  He went as far as to propose to her but she was already in a relationship. And hence gracefully rejected his love. They remained friends though. "The best of friends".  He being madly and deeply in love with her and she being considerate to him and his feelings.( I guess any woman is bound to be sympathetic to her most devoted lover.) 

So far so good. As long as it was a friends with benefits act, I had no issues with his past or present love life. But ever since my feelings have begun, I'm not comfortable with it. The green eyed monster has crept in. This is worsened by the fact that he still harbours feelings for this woman. He adores her. (though he says he is in love with me, I don't believe him as he was in love with this girl during our initial dating period.) And there is another thing that eats my head. She announced her engagement only a couple of weeks before we starting dating. So am I his rebound affair?? 

He even called her up on our first date not expecting her to pick up the call as they had a 'small fight'. Her friend had picked up the call and given it to her after knowing he was with me. And later he says, " She agreed to speak with me because you were with me. Otherwise she would not have spoken."   What the hell is that supposed to mean? So am I his decoy?? That time I never cared but I do now. Very much.

When I used to think of love before, I wanted my lover to be head over heels in love with me. His world should spin around because of me so much that he should not be reminded of any other woman. 

Fair Guy is frank enough to tell me that he still loves this woman and would always love her. But I'm a proud spoilt brat. I do not want to play second fiddle to anyone. Isn't there something known as falling out of love? How platonic can their relationship be?

I just want to know where I stand in his life. What am I to him - a  rebound affair?? A decoy to be in touch with the engaged love of his life?? Or just a passing fancy??

I am so confused as this is my first ever relationship.
Kindly advice, those who have been in similar situations before and who are well experienced in love and relationships...