Dec 8, 2011

A paediatrician for sale

My parents' hunt to find a suitable groom for me is still going on. I haven't given them an inkling of Fair Guy though. So even after we have been together, I have had my share of pennukannals and most of it were non descript and akin to my first pennukannal.

But this was a bit different.

The guy's dad had called after seeing my profile in the matrimonial site. At the end of the usual talks, my mom asks, "Any demands?". (Translated, it means any demands for dowry).  Till now everyone had answered "NO" to this question. Frankly, I really don't know why my mom asks this. If they really wanted a huge dowry, I wonder if they would have demanded anything upfront and rightaway. According to me, the demands for dowry are made very subtly and slowly. And that's where the problem lies.  The boy's parents initially say they don't need dowry and speak against dowry and talk about the evils of dowry but later they change the whole tune. They start with saying you can give whatever gifts you want to your daughter. But if the gifts are not up to their expectations, slowly they start passing snide comments at the daughter-in-law for having brought so little from  her home. This dowry is just an excuse of the boy's parents to loot the hard earned money and savings of the girls parents. No easier way to being rich than getting one's son married.  Any demand anytime is met! 

And so, this guy's dad's unabashed reply to my mom's question was, "My son is a paediatrician. We have got many offers from many girls. But he seems to have liked your daughter's photo and wants to meet her." He went on to add that a certain politician's daughter had offered 6 crores ( i.e. 60,000,000 INRwhich equals almost 1,170,000 USD) for his paediatrician son . But it seems the son didn't like her.

God!! I can't believe that someone in the supposedly highly educated state of Kerala could speak like this. 6 fucking crores!! He could better put his son for auction and sell it to the highest bidder. The word 'offer' was so tacky! I really wonder what are the sentiments of this particular paediatrician who has been put for sale like this. I pity him more than the girl who will get married to him.

Needless to say, my parents were really shocked. I guess they never imagined that dowry prices have also shot up so much. They seemed not to be interested in this guy.

But, I was mistaken. The paediatrician's dad kept calling wanting to meet me. So my parents agreed to have them in our house. My parents had gone bonkers! Or the thought of being in-laws to a paediatrician went to their head that they couldn't think logically. Otherwise how could they agree? How could they agree to invite them and be hosts to such people? I wondered if they really considered sending me off with this guy. What would happen to me if I were to go to his house without 6 crores ( My middle class parents cannot afford even one crore, leave alone six.) I refused to meet this guy born to money monger dad. 

My mom's version was that they have told the guy's dad we won't be able to give so much and still the guy wanted to see me, so maybe the guy really has a mind of his own and anyways I am not getting married to the guy's parents, only to the guy.. blah blah blah.. Its difficult to win an argument with my mother. But my dad was not very keen. Thank God!  

After all my mother's drama and everything, I finally had to agree to her wish to meet this paediatrician fellow. Anyways, I thought I'm definitely not going to marry him. So if my parents want to host him, so be it. 

The pennukannal happened in our house. He came with his dad and two of his brothers-in law. I should say they behaved decently. There were no talks of dowry also. They came and drank our tea and cola and ate our expensive pastries and snacks and left. The paediatrician didn't wish to speak with me alone (I really really wanted to speak to this guy alone to give him a piece of my mind). Maybe they came not to see  me but my house and other particulars to see how much they can squeeze out of my parents.  They said they would contact after a couple of days, but no word was heard from them. Guess, they  finally realised after seeing our house that my parents won't be able offer anywhere near to the offer of the politician.

That's the end of the story of the dowry demanding shameless paediatrician.
What surprised me more was that he had two sisters and both married. There might have been similar dowry talks like this during those girls' weddings also. After all that, the father chose to behave in such an uncivilised manner.

I wonder if the paediatrician squeezes money like this from the kids who visit him.


                                                   



51 comments:

  1. I had 30 pennukanals. Each time I stand in front of the prospective groom and his family, I felt like throwing an acid bomb amidst them. Please do not yield in to such uncouth traditions.Life is to live and it becomes all the more alluring when you can live your life on your own terms.

    Shalet

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  2. I can't imagine this. It's like your parents are expected to "purchase" a groom for their daughter. I'm grateful this is not an American custom.

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  3. wow. what would happen if you told your parents about your guy?

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  4. @Shalet: Thirty pennukannals!! Wow!.. I'm curious to know what happened in the end.

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  5. @Eva: Yeah, its like that. The worst investment of the girl's parents is usually the son-in-law.

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  6. @Sherilin: Even I am wondering about that moment.

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  7. @Sherilin: Even I'm wondering about that moment.

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  8. Why are you horsing around will all this bullshit when you've already found the man you want? He doesn't want a dowry, does he?

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  9. @ Mr. Bananas: I need a proper plan before I break the news to my parents.

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  10. It's been six years....I am trying to live on my own terms. Let's see how far I can go....

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  11. happened to read a couple of ur 'pennukanals' or watever.. u got a catchy writing skill and very well narrate the scene.. keep up girl!!

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  12. @Shruthi: Everyone knows its an offence. No one asks as such for dowry, do they? It is just implied that the girl's dad would give some gifts to the girl.

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  13. @Shruthi: Everyone knows its an offence. No one asks as such for dowry, do they? It is just implied that the girl's dad would give some gifts to the girl.

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  14. @yuvaraj: Thanks! Hope to see you around here.

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  15. Miss Runawaybride, If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? I read your blog. My advice: Get rid of MR. Fair Guy. He's still stuck in his dream land for his fantasy girlfriend. He's just using you so he doesn't feel so lonely. Tell him to take a hike. He doesn't seem like the guy for you. If you're going to get an arranged marriage, make sure you can talk to the guy in person before getting married. Ask him what he wants in life? Make sure he's not a mom's boy. Make sure his parent and family is nice. Make sure they are all educated and working. His siblings should all be from an educated (sisters and brothers). You want someone with an open mind. Give him a few scenarios, like what would happen if he lost his job and couldn't find another one. Would he be willing to share the responsibility of having children? Is he expecting his mother to come live with you in the future? etc. etc. etc. Don't marry a guy just for love or money or education. Marry a well rounded person who understands you and your lives together. Get to know him and his family well, before marriage. Spend time going to his families house if you are serious about him.

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  16. i agree with Anon. thats the most realistic advice by far.

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  17. @Anonymous: Thanks for taking the pains to read through my blog and giving me a very mature advice. I gather my family is also trying to find such a match for me. But they and me are yet to find such a guy. The qualities you have given is kind of too perfect to be true. Does such a perfect guy exist with whom I can connect also so well. If then I would be a fool to let him go off.

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  18. Thanks so much for coming over to my blog! I'm so glad to come across yours and will definitely be back for reads :)

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    Replies
    1. Nice
      Consider of reading what goes on a Boy's Mind ..

      http://22december.blogspot.com/2011/11/great-indian-arranged-marriage-boys.html

      Delete
  19. This is best article so far I have read online. I would like to appreciate you for making it very simple and easy. You are writing awesome on marriage topics

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  20. This is really interesting - especially the visit just to "size the bride's family" angle. Thanks for writing this!

    -Fellow Arranged Marriage chronicler :) at http://insearchoffarhanakhtar.wordpress.com/

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  21. Nice
    Consider of reading what goes on a Boy's Mind ..

    http://22december.blogspot.com/2011/11/great-indian-arranged-marriage-boys.html

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  22. Hey, I stumbled upon your blog & read a few of your posts and it got me thinking...isn't there more to life then just getting married? Please dont think im passing any kind of judgement...just a thought.
    Take care!

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  23. He might've paid similar amount to become a paediatrician..so he is planning to earn all that in one shot...lolzzz.. :)

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  24. Oh how sad.... I mean if they wanted to "see the girl",he should at least have spoken to you.

    A lot of people study medicine just to land a good husband/dowry.

    TC and good luck for your search

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  25. lols .... hehehehh i can so relate o thi sone especilaly since i had my first share of pennkanals some weeks back, scary but FUNNY ... hehhe 6 crores, i mean serious, whats the world coming to , its like the highest bidder gets the cow .oops guy .. Seems like its allabout who has gives the highest bidding :P .. but wait in there love, am sure you are in no hurry :) ... you will find the"guy" who will de be worth your time :)

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  27. Ok, I'm having my first 'arranged date' today. Get this, my parents have already met him and his parents and that disturbs me. Anyway, I was googling on this and stumbled upon your blog, and what a stumble it is!

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  28. Really refreshing to read this because it has started for me too... no meetings yet but the discussions. Scared stiff. LIC aunties who are part time marriage brokers have been hovering around like vultures at our gate. o.0

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  29. lol...been there done that ...and divorced too.Beware of these vultures ,whther they study in Bangalore or new zealand or china ,they are scavengers

    My friend ,born n brought in Dubai ,is talking of taking dowry (sthreedhanam) from his future wife's family. When scolded for that by friends, he told us frankly ,his family is left with nothing after 2 sister got married off :D

    Gold's own country,like she said in this blog

    http://anuglyhead.blogspot.com/2011/03/golds-own-country.html

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  30. Oh dear.... to think that dowry exists in educated homes. Is there any hope for this society??

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  31. superb article, i think everybody have their choices also. girls and boys should given a chance to marry on their own decisions.u can check this article also which is on arranged marriages - a brides review!!

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  34. Just shows how even educated people can think so irrationally and believe in dowry.

    It is something we do no encourage at our Free Matrimonial Site - www.findari.com

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  36. What an asshole. Arranged marriages are a bunchof nonsense... Its a market,not a tradition. It should be illegalised.... I would never sell off my daughter to sleep with a stranger (the promises to wait are a SHAM ... Men in India have a legal right to sleep with their wives or they rape, harass or even file for annulment) and be the family maid, cook and mistress just for the sake of keeping up appearances. Fair Guy might have his share of cons but im sure hewillingly cared for u, and you didnt have to train yourself to love him somehowor be desolate for eternity like you will have to in an arranged marriage. Get out of this mess as quick as you can. Times have changed, women are educated and emotionally self aware.... Dont fall into the outdated trap of arranged marriage slavery

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  38. Interesting read, somehow these stories always crack me up and leave me amazed at the greed of the people. You should also consider posting these stories on your quora! They have an amazing thread on arranged marriage going on there.

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  43. yes you are right the demand of dowry is increasing day by day. The best things is to refuse the proposals of this kind of families or complaint against them. Feel bad to read your story and my sister is also one of you who was also gone with this situation too.

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  47. Pennukannal, is a Tradition in Kerala. Though I am a Event Planner of a Famous Event Company I feels on each and Every time

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