Jan 13, 2011

Finding my voice

I found a way to stop my parents eating my head over the next eligible bachelor. The proposal in question had been suggested by my aunt B (why is it that all these aunties want me to get married. More than my parents, they are worried. I guess all they want is to show off their new sarees before it is out of fashion). The boy is the nephew of my aunt B from her husband's side. He is now working as an engineer in the US (Again US!). My aunt can vouch that the boy is a really nice 'Indian boy' and out of all 'American' influences (what she meant she alone knows, if only she could be more descriptive and not use such meaningless words!). My parents say that what she meant is that he had been born and brought up in India and that he had had no girlfriends. No wonder! I have seen him when we were kids and he looked… well, I don't want to comment on someone's looks as I believe beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. Still … In short he was not my idea of a prince in shining armour (I guess every girl is entitled to her own silly romantic idea of her husband). When I say that to my parents, they don't get it. They are of the opinion that I shall eventually like him. "All that glitters is not gold". That is my mother's favourite dialogue. "If he was a handsome young man, then he might have had lots of girlfriends. Since he is not…” I don't understand that logic as I know that a lot of bad-looking guys in my college had really busy weekends. And some of the good looking ones were the ones inside the shed. So that point was baseless. "Your B auntie never liked J uncle. She was crying uncontrollably on the day before the wedding. Look how happy she is now." And I wondered why she wanted me also to marry someone I didn't fancy. Oops, sorry! She didn't know that I don’t like her nephew.

Still my parents pestered. His photo was sent via email. Photo of him with full skiing gear and poles, standing in front of a car with snow all around. (Exploiting my obsession with snow). "Look beta, now you can ski in the snow with him". But he looked the same. Or even worse. I didn't want to marry him. I didn't want to go skiing with him. My parents didn't stop their pestering (I really admire their perseverance).

They were saying, “if you say yes, then we shall ask them to come over to see you". Bloody hell! They kept bickering morning evening morning. And I couldn't imagine waking up next to that piece of flesh for the rest of my life. Is it for him that I saved up my virginity? So many opportunities flashed across my mind. No, I shan't allow that to happen.

The next time my parents started the topic, I gave them a piece of my mind and yelled, " I'm never gonna have sex with him! If you want to proceed, you go ahead! It will only embarrass you. Either I will say no in the church or I will reach US and divorce him giving impotence as the reason!”

And that was it! They never spoke to me about him, again.
Sometimes all we have to do is to use our voice.

P.S. This was the first time I used sex in a conversation with my Dad. Ah! That was so liberating! 

31 comments:

  1. I can curse in front of my dad if the occasion requires it, but even though I'm married now I have never uttered the word 'sex' in the same sentence as 'Pass me the peas, please' at their dinner table. But good on you for standing up for yourself and not giving in! You shouldn't settle NO MATTER WHAT and I don't even care how corny it sounds since I've seen first hand with my sister what that can do to a person. You should be proud of yourself for claiming your right of choice :)

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  2. @Ladytruth: Thanks for your words of encouragement... I shall not settle on anyone just because my parents think they can control my life...
    And.....Lol..I like the comparison with 'Pass me the peas, please'

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  3. Good for you! It's not always easy to take a stand for what you feel and believe. I'm glad you did!

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  4. good job girl!

    i find this post humorous too and i'm so curious how bad that guy looks. ooops i am soooo mean! hahaha. just kidding. and i love your ground for divorce, very smart!:)

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  5. My favourtie dialogue to my father in such situations is "I don't like the idea of waking up next to him every day of my life. Sorry. No can do."
    OR
    "You want HIM as your son-in-law? Really?"
    OR
    "Think about the grandchildren. With him as my husband, do you think you'll have pretty grandbabies?"

    My dad just shuts up! ;)

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  6. haha That's brilliant.

    And it's fantastic that you stood up for your standards.

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  7. I've to say, this is very interesting. Times have changed and although arranged marriages CAN work in some societies, a lot of 'modern' circumstances don't really allow it to flourish like they did back in the days.

    I'm a Malaysian and not too long ago, arranged marriages were a norm. Girls got married as young as 13 or 15, but they weren't unhappy about it as perceived by the west. It was a norm and girls grew up wanting to be married and they were very cultured and disciplined therefore could take on household duties almost immediately into the marriage.

    A lot of people in the west view arranged marriages as a bad thing, as an oppressive and orthodox thing of the past. But, I think if carried out in the right circumstances, it may work.

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  8. HAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH! Good for you!! I cant stop laughing at the impotence threat :P

    But yea, I sometimes wonder how the whole arranged marriage thing worked/works! How can you sleep with someone when you are going "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW grossssssss!" in your head?? I'm so glad you stood up to your parents and I hope they stay off your back for a while.

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  9. @Nikki: I know its not always easy. But then when pushed to the extreme, anybody can become firm and bold.

    @Maria: That guy did look really bad. Even I'm mean here, but can't help.

    @Shruthi: I shall try your dialogues one after the other in the coming situations. And I feel there's going to be more suchsituations, looking at the photos of these men.

    @C N Nevets: I am basking in the glory of my brilliance now. ;-)

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  10. @RS: Hi there...
    Arranged marriage has a lot of good sides to it as also bad sides. I guess it varies from culture to culture and family to family. Not just Asia, even in Medieval Europe there were arranged marriages especially between the royal families of England, France, and Spain and there was dowry also. And I believe that the success of any marriage depends on the individuals and not on the way they married. Once married, its an entirely different life.

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  11. @ Mad Fat Girl: Ha Ha Ha... You never can.. That is why some of them find an alternative - their drivers or watchmen.LOL...

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  12. either way i wish u all the best in life

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  13. Man...your parents must have really pestered you hard for you to have said that....lol....well, good thing they decided to quit nagging. Also, I've passed on the Stylish Blogger award to you over at my blog... :)

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  14. Oh my... I so honored.. Thank you!

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  15. Hi - I found your blog through Caterpillar's link adn I'm loving reading it. If I mentioned sex in front of my dad he would pass out! That's even though I'm in my thirties and living with my partner :)

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  16. @Louba: Would you believe me if I said that my mouth went open when i read this! Glad that I made the move to say SEX!

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  17. I really like the way you hit the truth home hard :-)

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  18. what can I say, I agree with all the previous comments :) I like the way you presented the story. Can't wait for more :)

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  27. Why do i personally not know girls like you ! It would be so amazing to have someone who thinks exactly the same as me. Atleast if there was one more of me, my parents would not think i was such a failure afterall.
    It is so hard for me to get accustomed to the idea of a total stranger and meeting him in such circumstances. And i cannot believe how even todate millions of girls are "ok with" dowry. Even girls i studied with. Girls who got better marks than me. Girls who i thought were intelligent. Infact they even get married right after graduation and get pregnant that very night and never work a day in their lives (well, work is not the right word. Earn money is what i mean). Just how ????

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