I am on cloud nine!

I had been on vacation. And when I come back, what do I see? That I've won an award! An award for the honest scrap! Wonderful! I m on cloud nine! I am so happy! So elated! So grateful! It has been given to me by Shopgirl who has a great blog A blessing a Day. Reading her blogalways makes me a happier person. Thank you Shopgirl for the award. It is my first award and a great impetus to keep blogging. ( Yes! Like it or not you will have to read more of me.)

And following the tradition here I'm telling some intimate details of me.

1.                I am a virgin. And I want to lose my virginity to someone special.

2.                I do not think I would like the guy whom my parents are going to select for me.

3.                I might run away from marrying the guy whom my parents select. ( you might have guessed that already). Or on second thoughts I think it is a great idea to say 'I don't' when the priest asks.

4.                I do not think my parents have any clue about my personality or they have any clue about the guy whom I may like.

5.                I like cats, but I don't hate dogs, I am only afraid of dogs. 

I am passing on this award to five other blogs. Really guys, it was very difficult to decide. Here's my five, each of them are really great blogs. Do visit them.

1.                The Shh Diaries.

2.                Fading margins

3.                Masala Moodswings

4.                Calling people names

5.                Bag lady

I have a feeling this coming year is going to be really wonderful! Happy New Year to you.

Merry X'mas!

Hi all,
Wish you all a merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I'm taking a vacation. I advise all of you also to take a vacation. Have a great time. Wish you all a greaaaat year ahead.

Never ever fairy tales

It’s a good decision by Disney, to stop producing any more princess movies. These fairy tale movies and stories become so much a part of children that they won't outgrow them. And I am one of such kids who never grew up.

 

I still live in these fairy tales; they open a parallel universe to me, the universe where everything is perfect and happy. I fantasize about a fairy godmother who would turn me into a beautiful princess, about a valiant Prince in shining armor who would come riding on a white horse waving his sword, about the beautiful poor damsel whom the prince will fall in love with and live happily ever after. Of course, the fantasy has many variations. Sometimes the prince would be the hottest movie star, or the hunkiest footballer, or the new sexy singer or even the most eligible prince around - Prince William. I would be meeting him sometimes in Paris, or in London or in the States or even in India. We would fall in love and manage to keep our affair from the paparazzi and the rest of the world. He proposes and we live happily ever after. And now that Prince William has proposed to Kate Middleton, one would expect these fantasies to die off. But the brain is really an amazing thing. It refuses to kill them. It modifies the fantasy, making the Prince fall in love with me in spite of his commitment (like the prince who falls in love with the mermaid despite being engaged to someone else). Maybe this is what the scientists call the plasticity of human brain.

When we are children the fairy tales are quite an enjoyable reading. Nice things happening to nice people. Bad things happen to evil people. As we grow up we believe the same, we expect the same, and at last we begin to hope for the same.  But the difficult thing is, in a fairy tale we reach the end of the story within minutes. Like sleeping beauty, where the prince discovers her after many years. The princess eats the apple and falls asleep. The storyteller has only one thing to say, "Then many years later, a prince comes…" In real life, the many years would actually take many years. It’s a long wait. Even while waiting, you are unsure. Only if we could know the end sooner.

It takes quite some time to realise that our life is not a fairy tale, that our life cannot be a fairy tale. Even after the realisation, many of us still hope for a fairy tale to happen in our lives.

I am sure there would be many girls like me who at some point in their life believed she would be a princess. I really wonder how the real life princesses felt when these fairy tales were read to them.

Love in Retrospect

I have met him only once. I have spoken to him only a few words. I acted uninterested when he showed interest in me.  But now, I am interested. I took such a long time to make up my mind. Alas, it was too late.

I shall never know what he really thought about me. I shall never know if he cared for me, if he found me interesting, if he was attracted to me, if he could have been the one. I shall never know what music he liked, which movies he watched, what books he read, what drinks he drank. I shall never know how it would be to make love to him, how it would be to kiss him, how it would be to hold his hands. Dammit, I shall not even know whether I stood a chance. It gives me a sharp pain in my breast. If only, I was not so timid. If only, I had conversed with him. If only, I had shown my true self to him. If only, he hadn't got engaged so soon.

Is this love? Or is the feeling you have when you realise that the stone you threw away was actually a diamond?

Definitions

Arranged marriage- a marriage where the parents decide the life-partner for their children. It is a spectrum, from a marriage purely decided by the parents with the girl or guy having no say in the matter, to the marriage where the son/daughter likes someone and the 'first move' is made by his/her parents to the other parents, and here generally it’s the boy's parents who speaks to the girl's parents.

Love marriage- the normal marriage as known in the western world, where the guy and the girl meet each other, start going out and decide to get married. In India, this kind of marriage may be opposed by either one or both their family and they get married against their parents' wishes.

Love arranged marriage- similar to above, except that the parents consent to their marriage and they marry with their parents' blessings.

From divorcee to being unmarried

"*******!", shrieks from my mom in the morning." Divorcee!" " Its marked divorcee in your profile" " O my god! No wonder all those nice proposals went away. They must've thought you were a divorcee." " now I know why we received calls from two divorcees" " You had been divorcee over the weekend when so many people must have looked"

The reason for this unkind reaction- it seems that my marital status in the matrimonial profile is 'divorcee' instead of being 'unmarried'. My parents suspect me to have changed it as I had been saying I don’t want to marry now. It must have cropped up when I deleted my salary details which my dad has so proudly declared. I know arranged marriages are not based on love (It’s a scary thought. That the guy I may marry might not be in love with me). And what its based on, I do not know. (Indian parents attitude of I know what’s best for my child?). What I don't want it to be based on is money.

Soon the profile details were edited from being divorcee to unmarried at the most rapid pace.

P.S. I don't have anything against divorced people. Coming to it of it, I think a divorced man would be a good choice as he would have learnt from his mistakes and not likely to repeat the same.

Misleading profiles

Its been sometime since my matrimonial ad had been put in the website, seeking suitable guys. My parents have not yet reached a consensus whether they want guys settled in India or abroad, they want engineers or doctors( why these are the only two options for me, I do not understand). I am glad that atleast they have decided that it has to be of male sex! Some people might ask me why my parents have to decide these things, why can't I myself decide even if its an arranged marriage. Ah well, frankly I don't care. I am quite disillusioned with this whole institution of marriage. People say it’s a necessary evil. Necessary for whom? This is a separate discussion in itself.

There had been calls, this side that side. Our son's id number is so and so. Kindly respond as soon as possible. He is employed there, his salary is this much, his shares are so much. We have property at such and such place. Yes, he will be able to take the bride to his place. And so on goes the conversation. It is still a mystery to me how complete strangers can give full financial and property details to each other. These profile too, another means of vanity. One profile of a guy brags that the family is connected to some 250 relations, and every one of them is in influential posts in India and abroad. 250 relatives! They must have multiplied like rats. A really horny family.

 

Each and every profile is showing off all the good qualities of the boy/ girl (wonder why call them boy/girl as some of them are even as old as 52!). Why can't enthusiastic parents see through the flaws of their children? Its as if each of them are the best student, most intelligent, most successful, most saintly. And marriage profiles are the only place where one can find non-drinking non-smoking malayali guys. C'mon who has made the beverage industry of Kerala so profitable??

If people are so out of touch with reality, how can they find 'suitable' partners? Its not the money or the family status that matters. It’s the compatibility between two people who have to live with each other for the rest of their lives (that itself sounds so scary).  If they base their relationship on lies, how can they live with dignity and peace?

So guys and gals, why do people mislead you with these lies in the marriage profile? What is your opinion? 

The matrimonials

The Indian Matrimonial Industry-- how much money they must make. Really!

There are matrimonial columns in the newspaper, a full six to eight pages of the Sunday newspaper or its supplement is devoted to the matrimonial 'advertisements'. A sample goes thus.  "Alliance invited for Iyer girl/ Vadama/ Srivatsam/ 1986/ 175cm/ B.Tech/ Very Fair Complexion/ Affluent family , from Iyer boys/ 1980-1983/ 182cm/ Engineer-IT/ Affluent family." What if there's a guy with all other specifications except that his height is 180 cm instead or he is born in 1984. These ads, they are the ultimate. Another one runs thus. “31 year old Pentecost Christian, graduate, unemployed seeks suitable alliance from well employed, graduate girls from financially sound family." So its very clear what the bridegroom seeks. Thanks for being so blatant. 

The way these columns run. Its hilarious. Better than Khushwant Singh jokes.

Then there are the matrimonial websites, umpteen numbers of them. Separate for each community and each state. They are all so happy to announce free registration, free registration, free registration. But what is this free registration exactly? You can put your photo and other details free of charge for 3 days, or one week, or one month, depending on the website. But then you cannot view the contact details or family details of the other members. You can just see through the photographs. That also is limited, maybe 10 or 20 snaps. Also, you cannot avail of various facilities and offers open to the paid members. What these facilities are I hardly know for now. Then, some of these sites actually make 'best' matches for you depending on the details you give. Also you can search through their 'bank' (snaps, basically) to see hundreds of boys and girls of various professions and backgrounds. Well, it’s the same thing that the dating agencies also do, isn't it? Calling it by such and such name, does it make it any different? A rose by whatever name….

 I dare say in the ad column there should be a column, virgin: YES/NO. Well, why can't there be? There are sites which ask smoking, drinking, veg, non veg, horoscope and everything. Then, why not virginity. I dare say its important. Atleast to me!

I cannot marry a guy who has slept with another girl through this arranged marriage rigmarole. That is something I am very particular about.

So guys, what you think of these matrimonial columns and websites? Is it the best place to find a partner?